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Frustrated Husband of Fibro sufferer
1 Replies
nlk - May 21

Hi all,

My wife was diagnosed with FMS last year after struggling with symptoms for years (pretty much as long as I can remember). We've been married for 10 years and love each other very much but I've been really slow to realise how much FMS affects her (I'm sure I know very little still). We have 2 young kids (4 and almost 6) and we both work (I work full-time and she works 3 days a week). Life is busy and her symptoms seem to knock her out from time to time, particularly when she is going through a stressful period at work. I've been struggling to pick up the pieces and keep the family going (e.g. doing laundry, picking up kids from school, cooking, cleaning, etc) when she gets hit with symptoms and I find myself resenting her and taking out my frustration on her (even though deep down I know it's not her fault). When I get upset and complain (often raising my voice), it only makes her symptoms worse and then she blames me for making her feel more pain, which of course makes me feel even more frustrated. It's a vicious cycle and one that's been worsened recently due to extra busy-ness and stress in both our jobs. Can anyone relate to this and perhaps share some practical advice? We've been through some tough times and I love her very much. Just feeling a bit alone in all this and need help and some ideas on how to get through this. Thanks.

 

OhioRiverWolf - June 5

You do make her feel more pain. My husband does the same to me. It is hard to relate when you don't understand. It isn't easy I know. It doesn't help when my husband isn't in good health and an amputee to boot. I have to keep track of him plus try to manage how I feel, nothing is easy, but such is life. Stress does indeed make us hurt worse, I have Lupus as well, and when it gets out of hand, I look like I have measles or chicken pox. Only thing I can tell you is try to give her space. Do give her a gentle hug once in a while. It does help, believe me. Once you understand we do hurt in every fiber of our body, and we don't have to do anything to cause it, you will see what is going on. See if you can get someone to help her out, I had to swallow my Scots-Indian-Irish pride and ask for help. If she has help with chores, especially when she is bad, it will help. Raising voices and arguments only make us hurt 1000X more, and stresses us out. That is true. None of this is make-believe, I've had this for 10 years. Also take time for both of you. See that she gets a good doctor and one who understands how to treat this stuff. I had one and he got killed. I've been searching again for 2 1/2 years. Once you get that help, things will go smoother. Good luck.

 

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