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Need to make a decision it's painful one at that
14 Replies
axxie - October 1

Hi Folks, some know me from awhile back, others just recently. I'm looking for an answers.
So remember, I have fought hard to get my job and I'm working 4 days a week. Not bad, I mean it's no easy task getting up when the pain is bad. Well it's been 10 months that I have return to work, and I've just had my semi-annual revue, it wasn't as good as I though it would be, I'm starting to forget things, and find that I do the work and then find out a week later that I have not done the work correctly and have to start over. Well this isn't bad, when nobody knows about it, but there are a couple of times, that I really screwed up and made my Director lose face to others, because of my screwed.
Needless to say, I started crying, I'm 53, and it's like I didn't know this, and what do I do, I start crying and explaining what I have and how it's not easy for me, to come to work and try to do my best. Imagine how I felt, reviewing all the wrongs that they have caught and me saying look, I have notice that some weeks, I do well and other times I don't. Here is what my problem is, and I'm struggling with the decision that I have to make. They would like to keep me until New Years, and see how things will go, they are thinking that if I have a variety of things to do, that maybe I'll do better.
I'm willing to try, but with what happened to me back a few years ago, and now, it's just will go on, and now, I'm really struggling because at some point I will need to make the daunting decision to leave my job for good and claim benefits.

Can someone tell me, how you wrestle with the decision, and what do you do now, that you are at home. Sure I can cook, and I can shop, but find myself in a very boring situation. I was thinking of buying myself a membership to go to the gym, knowing myself I will probably not go and thus it would not be worthwhile.

The only good thing about where I am now, is, the pain pills are working 90%, and I"m sleeping better. As for taking the hormone treatments, I had to stop, because of the amount of water I was gaining and no amount of water pill helped me, it was getting dangerous for my blood pressure.

What to do, and what do you do all day. I only have one child and she is already at university, her first year. As for my marriage, it's working out better, since we have twice monthly meeting with the counsellor.

I am really struggling with this, and know that my time, as finally come and knocked on the door to let me know that I cannot continue very much longer at being incompetent.

I have studied hard, and at one point I was very good and had real talent, now I'm reduced to not much.


lost_in_thot - October 1

Sorry I can't help. I am only 30 and feel the same way. I feel for you. I will probably have to face that decision too one day. I started a blog today. If you're interested in it, it's at blogspot. You'll have to look for My Life With Fibro about a 30 year old woman with fibro and her God. I'm sorry for not answering you, but I could use a buddy who is experienced with Fibro and the decisions I'll have to make some day too.


kvc33 - October 1

Regardless of health issues, almost everyone faces the day that they have to retire. For some people it is traumatic because they don't know what to do with themselves. Other people find that they are busier than ever, and really, the choice is yours. There are a million things to do in this world and we could never do them all even if we lived a million years. The trouble is we get into a rut and think that that is all there is. My bf had to quit work at your age do to CFS and his life is full. His hobby is photography and he teaches it through a club. We are renovating the house and the chores never end. One retired lady I know rescues cats and she is busier than a working person. Other people join organizations and do fund-raising, event planning, or edit a newsletter. There are tons of volunteer opportunities out there, even ones you can do from home. There are counsellors who specialize in helping people make the transition to retirement and you could probably really benefit from seeing one. See a financial planner about your future, talk to people who are already retired and you will find out how happy and busy they are. Start thinking about all the things you could do if you weren't spending your energy on working and I think you'll get excited.


lost_in_thot - October 1

If you can't find me try typing the following address...where there are will need to add periods. rebecca-mylifewithfibro blogspot com. I hope that works. Just wanting to share my thoughts and story with people. Fibro is so many ways...financially, physically, and mentally.


Fantod - October 1

axxie - I've known you a long time on this board. And, I've been very concerned about you in recent months. I've noticed a big change in your posts which, for me, validate the problems you are describing at work.

First of all, you are not incompetent. You are ill. Your illness makes you prone to mistakes. Stop beating yourself into the ground over what you are not able help. And shame on your employers for belittling you rather than trying to assist you to do better.

You may recall our conversation when you announced that you wanted to back to work. I commended you for even trying. You've been at it for 10 months and it is not working for you in terms of stress and self esteem. And, your employers are unhappy. As far as I can see, there is no up side to this situation.

I've been out of work and completely disabled since 2007. It is a decision that I do regret but I also know that I am not able to do what was my job. For me, there was no wrestling with the decision. I listened to what my gut was telling me which I find is generally correct. Do I regret not being able to work. Hell, yes. But, if I let that rule my life, I'd be drooling in a corner somewhere.

I do what I can all day long. I work on my genealogy projects, and I'm grateful that I don't have a worse illness. Look at this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself. Right now, I'm mentoring two people I've never met through their first genealogy project. We communicate online. There are lots of things to consider, reading groups at local book stores, doing something for a no kill animal shelter, visiting old folks who have no family that see them. If you are open the the possibilities, they'll add some vslue to your life. I think that you will be just fine if you let it be. I've found that the peace I have now helps so much in dealing with this infernal illness. It is rather liberating to have choices to the extent that I am able rather than being a slave to the clock.

I hope that you know that I am not picking on you in any way. I just want what we all want - better days ahead for you and the rest of us. I hope that me perspective is helpful to you. Take care.


Lee2010 - October 2

Hi there Axxie. I am in a similar situation, but in a different way, if that makes any sense at all. I have been a stay-at-home mom for the last 21 years. I quit work when I became pregnant with my first child. I was diagnosed with Fibro about two years ago, but have had symptoms for quite a bit longer. My last child just left for college and I suddenly feel as though I've been laid off from the best job in the world. It is a huge adjustment for me, and it is taking me quite a bit of time to work through. My husband couldn't be more supportive. He is helping me find things to do to stay busy and encouraging me to take care of myself first and get healthy. I have so many projects around the house that I've put off doing while focusing on my kids, that I figure I've got a good year or so of things to keep me busy. I'm also going to re-learn how to crochet. I know that sounds kind of "stuck in my rocking chair", but my mother-in-law makes a baby blanket every week and takes them to the local maternity ward to hand out to new moms. Sometimes the hospital sells them in the gift shop. It is so relaxing and something that I can do when the pain flairs up. I am also thrilled about the prospect of catching up on reading my many (and I do mean many) books. My husband, being the dear man that he is, has also planned a trip for us to take soon so that I've had something to look forward to in my laid-off year. My hope is that once I can focus on taking care of myself and getting better (I'm keeping a positive attitude and assuming that I will get better), I can begin looking into the incredible number of other things that I've always wanted to do. There is no doubt that this transition is one of the toughest I've ever had to make, and I know that you feel the same way. But once I finish the grieving process of how things used to be, I can begin focusing on how things are and what I can do to make this time in my life absolutely spectacular. I wish you all the best in this struggle to make these tough decisions, and I hope that you'll be sure and let us know how each stage of your decision-making is going. I'm sending you a great, big cyber hug (gently, of course) and am looking forward to hearing how things go for you. Don't be afraid to be selfish about this time in your life - you have been a warrior and now it's time to step back and take a break - you earned it. Take care and hang in there. Lee


fibromite.u.k. - October 2

My advice is to finish with work and enjoy your freedom. There is no way that I could manage to work, as not only do I have have fibro but many other disabilities as well. You will also be able to look after yourself and pace yourself better and when not working. I can relate very much to how Lee feels as well, with her child going off to college. Bringing up my son has been the best part of my life and we are very, very close. At one time, I home-schooled him for a few years so we became even more close and had lots of fun together. However, the years went by and he went first to college and then to uni, although both in our town which was lovely for both him and me. However, he graduated as a B.A. in May this year and is now looking for work. Finding work in the economic climate of the U.K. is not easy and I know that he will probably have to leave home and work away. However, what we need to focus on is all the things that are available for us to do and take advantage of in today's age. For many years, I have enjoyed making greetings cards of all kinds but only for friends and relatives, but just over three years ago, I decided that I would try to sell them as I wanted to make more than just ones I could send. I decided that I would only keep back enough money to pay for more crafting items and that they rest would go to various charities. Now, I have made and sold thousands of cards and have managed to donate money to fibromyagia and M.E. groups, a pain clinic, cancer nurses and I support a little boy in the third world. I love doing all this and can do it from home, and if I am not well, then I am not pressured into doing any. Apart from this, I am also doing other things such as labelling up old photos for my son to inherit, making scrapbooks, taking photos and printing them, reading the hundreds of books I have collected and many more hobbies. It is also just lovely in the summer to just sit in the garden and read. I have joined groups for fibromyalgia, M.E/C.F.S. and arthritis and have made friends there. I am ill a lot of the time and often have to stay in bed, but when a lot of your friends come from these groups they can understand if I have to cancell something that we have arranged. If there are no groups near you, then how about starting one? You can join forums on the internet and talk to people there. I am still going to get back to my piano and guitar playing sometime when I have time and the pain in my fingers will allow it. So I would say, enjoy the future. You will wonder how ever you found the time to go to work. There is so much out there, waiting to be done.


canadacalling - October 2

Well Axie I feel for you because I seem to have the same thing happened to me. I was working, kept going and then finally at 57, I had to pack it in. I was always away on short term disability, or off for a day or two. My work suffered, and at that time I threw it all in. My husband was alive at that time, and it was tough financially, but more emotionally. I suffered from a bad depression a year or so after, as my late husband was now only working p/time, loved what he did and put in the overtime loving it. I guess I had a meltdown. But that was in 1998, and life is better in many ways. My husband passed away after we moved to a smaller town - actually 6 months after we came here. So, here I was in a new town, no husband, and a new house. Gosh, I have no idea how I got through it.

Finally, the decision is yours, and everyone is different. You need a good support system and be outgoing. You will manage somehow. Take Care, Canadacalling.


deadgamegrrl - October 3

Hi axxie,

I don't have a lot to add, but 4 years ago I closed a specialty shop I had owned for 10 years. I had a lot of drama going on - both of my parents died less than 2 yrs apart, my dad married a gold digging lunatic 10 months before he died, my relationship broke up etc.
Anyway, I couldn't deal w/the store anymore. I was a mess when people asked me what I was doing! I would say 'nothing' and kind of hang my head.
Then I talked to a friend that had owned a CD store down from me and had closed 2 yrs before I did. He still did great business but the writing was on the wall with iTunes and other download sites. He said when people asked him what he was doing he would just smile and say he was retired!
there is a HUGE difference between 'nothing' and 'retired'! And if you incorporate this into your attitude it should help tremendously.
I'm now working again (at least for now) because I
pretty much need to but I learned the lesson!
Good luck!


axxie - October 4

Thanks everyone, much appreciated, after lenghty consideration and after all this fight left in me, anxiety attacks and many sleepless night.

I am going to the doctors this week and I am putting forth my documents to the insurance company.

I am officially leaving, I need to take care of myself and my family. The hell with people who just don't have a bone to care.

I won't be staying at home, wondering what I should do, instead I will look for something meaningful and I will survive this new day for myself and my family.

Thanks to all of you, you have helped me see the light. On to making my first call to the doctor so that I can put in for disability.


Stacey373 - October 4

Hi Axxie - I've been a stay-at-home Mom for 12 years. My kids are still fairly young so they keep me busy. but if I didn't have my hobbies I would probably go crazy all day long by myself. I am always busy....I'm not the kind of person who can sit around watching TV all day. I've always got some sort of craft project going on. whether it's making jewelry or scrapbooking or crocheting or refinishing furniture or remodeling something in my house. I'm ALWAYS doing SOMETHING! Another thing I do when I'm feeling good enough to deal with it is I sell on Ebay. it keeps me busy and I can also make a little extra money.

There are alot of options out there for not working you will have the freedom to do whatever you want. Please don't look at this as "giving up" or that you "failed" somehow. I'm 99% positive this will be a good change for you and sort of like starting a "new life!" maybe start making a list of all the things you never had the time and energy to do before and that will inspire you to do other things.

I really hope you will be able to see all the positive things and not focus on the negative. Good Luck, Stacey :o)


fibromite.u.k. - October 4

Well done Axxie, that's great. I am sure that you have made the right decision. After you settle into a new routine and find new things to do, you will wonder how you ever found time to go to work. As I have written above, I have all sorts of hobbies and most of the time feel that there is not enough time in the day for all I want to do. Of course, when I am feeling very ill (as I often do), then I can just rest up and don't have to do anything until I feel a bit better again. Another thing I do is to sell some bits and pieces (mainly books) on ebay. Good luck to you and let us know how things go for you.


Fantod - October 4

Congratualtions Axxie - It is a whole new world! You'll find soon enough, that there are not enough hours in the day. You GO girl!!!


toots2889 - October 4

Im sorry I wasnt available sooner, to help you. I think your making the right decision though. I remember when i was going through this same problem, about 4-5yrs. ago. You were one of the people on here who helped me get through it. As a manager it was really hard on me to admit that i couldnt do it anymore. I had a memory that wouldnt quit and all of a sudden, i couldnt remember anything. It was you and some others, who told me that it was ok. That it didnt mean i was a failure or that it was my fault for what was happening to me. That it was ok to admit that i couldnt do it anymore! You helped me so much during my time, that if it wasnt for you and a few others on here lord knows what would of happened! Axxie, your making the right decision! You will find what your looking for. For me, I have been doing charity work for a family whose mom was diagnoised with breast cancer. It has been such a great experiance for me. She is now cancer free!!!! What a joy, and a feeling of what i can do to help others. You to, will find that something that will fill your life. Good Luck Axxie and thanks again for everything youve done for me.


axxie - October 5

Hey girls, gees, thank you so much for all your kind words, some I've known for a long time, others are young who came to get answers and have stayed because it truly is a wonderful board be with. Since I have made my decision, I feel free, I feel good about it, and I can feel all the presure I was under, just melt. I can't wait to be free to do what I want, for now, I'm meeting the doctor on Wednesday. I get my documents and I putting them forward. No one knows at work, that I am quiting, and they won't know until it's time to take my stuff and say bye bye, won't miss you, that's for sure. I feel like a new person, I feel like I'm going to start a whole new chapter in my life. I feel proud to all of you who have made the decision and have been living it, as for me, it's coming soon enough. I will be feeling better and sleeping better. A new challenge awaits me.
Thanks alot girls and see you on the board. I just hope all of you get a pain free day and a good sleeping night.



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