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Wondering If I Am Finally Losing My Mind???
3 Replies
Rose - January 16

I have been researching FM for almost 2 years now. I am a 25 year old woman on the verge of a mental collapse. This is my story... All through growing up I have always had anxiety dealing with school and schoolmates and life in general even at that age. I started to gain weight at this point in my life. I then suffered 2 seizures, one a grand mal when I was 8 years old and through all the tests they couldn't find anything wrong with me. They told my parents that I was a hypochondriac and that my body was just growing to fast for my brain to keep up... whatever that means... I was on tegretol for a year after that and proceeded to gain more weight. I was molested when I was about 10 by a neighbor who was about 15 at the time (no one in my family knows about this to this day because i feel so ashamed about it) I proceeded to gain weight from the point on but luckily when i was 16 i got some height to me so i could hide the weight pretty well. I have pretty much taken tylenol or asprin all of my life. I cannot remember a time when i was not in pain for something or other usually headaches and back pain. I went to the University of Illinois for 2 years but I dropped out when I met my current boyfriend. I was having such a hard time going to such a huge school, keeping up with the classes, living life.. and dealing with my stess and anxiety problems. I am not a stupid person, I have a pretty high IQ so I knew I could make the grades.. I just couldn't mentally hack it all. I was out of school for 3 years trying to get myself together. I did go back to the community college here in 2003 and started taking classes for Horticulture / Garden Center Management. I started doing weight watchers and lost 50 lbs by December of 2003 and i wonder if this triggered anything. In January of 2004 I had a death in my boyfriends family so I stopped my regular exercise routine for a week. When I tried to resume the same amount of walking I had been doing before i experienced a huge amount of pain my both of my thigh muscles and my knees. I have spent the past almost 2 years now trying to cure myself. The pain moved throughout my body its still in my knees, thighs, my neck, my shoulders and arms, my lower back, my face.. everything seemed to hurt and exscrutiatingly so. I have also been trying to get control of my fear and anxiety problems.. my parents are in their 60s and didn't know about these things at all even though i know that many of the people in my family deal with the same things i do. So as an adult now I am trying to help myself. I am barely making it though because of the amount of pain that I deal with every single day. I don't have insurance because I don't have a job and don't have a clue how I would hold one down... I can't stand for very long or sit for very long.. I can't concentrate and am wound up like a rubberband ready to snap all the time.. My boyfriend is annoyed by it because he doesn't see this as anything really wrong with me.. He thinks its all in my head because I look perfectly fine. which makes me even more annoyed..
Finally about 3 months ago I saw a flyer for a chiropractor doing a free talk on FM.. So i attended and I was the only one there. She still went ahead with the talk just for me and I learned some things.. After suffering for about another month.. I finally convinced myself one night to call them and leave a message for them to call me back. I knew that if i felt better in the morning I wouldn't call and make the apt because i'd done it countless times before. They did call me back and I have thrown caution to the wind about money to have her treat me. I asked for my boyfriends mom to pay for X rays for my christmas present and found that my spine is really out of wack... I am getting adjusted 3 times a week and have been going since early october.. There are some areas that I feel better in and others that just will not let up.. The chiropractor said that I have beginnning stages of FM along with my out of place spine, hips, neck, and whatever else.. She also said that I am lacking in nurishment and have been for a while now.. I am now taking 27 pills per day to supposidly get me more nurishment. I am taking coconut oil, flax oil, cataplex E, cataplex B, Zypan (an enzyme to help me digest and get the nutrients from all of these pills) Magnesium Malate, and a mulit-vitamin. I am also taking an antioxidant called Glisodin that I think is helping me... But I am still suffering from pain... I know I should be patient and let her treatments help but its hard when I want to sit and write or do my homework and I can only sit for 20 minutes without the pain shooting somewhere.. I sat last night in a recliner for 2 hours writing an article and i felt ok but my eyes were a little off.. Today I got up and wanted to plant some of the tulip bulbs that I bought.. I went outside, sat on the ground because i know that bending only hurts me.. when I got up my lower back was KILLING me.. I had to come in after a little while and sit down because I couldn't push myself anymore. My boyfriend came in and asked me why i was just sitting there doing nothing again.. arg.. and wanted to go for a walk with me.. I said ok because I know that this is limiting our time together. So instead of going for a walk because it got to dark we just went for a drive.. Even just sitting in the car killed me but i have learned to just deal with it.. it is taking its toll on my mind as well as my body though because I feel like I am losing it.
I knew that this was going to cost money to get better, thats why i put it off for so long but that wasn't helping me either.. I have a terrible anxiety problem with money issues since I don't have any.. I get sick to my stomach when I know I am wracking up another bill I can't pay.. But I don't know what else to do I am only 25 and I cannot live this way much longer... I have gotten offers to work making christmas wreaths and working in a flower shop.. I know I have talent and a lot to offer and I would LOVE to do that, if i could stand up and be able to do it without the pain during or afterwards.. I cannot live on pain pills that put me to sleep for the rest of my life.. I cant even enjoy time with my family or my boyfriend because I am so exhausted from the constant stressors.. Am I alone in all of this.. I feel like I am dealing with this all by myself. If I do go to a doctor who do you all reccommend.. what kind of dr will help me the fastest and will not think that I am a total basket case? I am looking into getting a medical card to help me pay for some of these bills.. I just feel like i am drowing in this and can't seem to get a grip to get out of it..


Joni - November 14

I am so sorry for your pain & can understand much of what you say. If you don't have insurance and don't qualify for title 19,medicare or medicaid, I would suggest going to a mental health clinic (they can treat fibomyalgia)and applying for assistance through your county (they can help you with paperwork). That way you can get support through a Dr. there, medications & counseling on a sliding pay scale according to your income. Also, many pharmaceutical companies have patient assistant programs to help get medications at no cost or your Dr. can provide you with free samples & coupons for meds. Hope you feel better Rose.


Jean - November 16

Hello Rosemary, I also understand your pain and discomfort but I will agree with Joni on what she told you to do I think this would be your best bet to get the help and treatment that you need. also I will sugest to slow down a bit because all this stress you put on yourself just inflates this condition to no end and by the way you are not alone out here there are many of us experiencing the same as you. Just come to this site because this is a good support group site.


Hope Crarer - January 16

You poor honey, how my heart goes out to u, I only found this site today & have already replied to a couple of letters, i think the best thing to remember is u are not alone out there, we are all here & like u feel the same inadequeses (shocking speller sorry!) another systom of fibro i am told Ha Ha! U have to pat your self on the back for how far you have already come. Have u been told u have fibro? Do u sleep well? if u would like to talk further let me know.:) try to keep smiling honey pie! Hx



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